Humility: The Core of Servant Leadership

As a marketing recruiter, not a week goes by that I don't get a call from a VP of HR looking for a VP of Marketing who is a "servant leader."  Servant leadership seems to be all the rage these days.  Every company wants servant leaders, but few seem to know much about servant leadership.  They talk the talk, but walking the walk is much harder.  That's because ...

Servant leadership is based on humility.

Most people, if they really knew anything about humility, wouldn't like it.  That's why so few people are humble.  Humility involves dying to oneself -- sacrificing oneself to a higher good or legitimate authority.  Quite often it means doing what you don't want to do.  Sometimes it means going down with the ship so that others may live.  And always, it means killing the egotistical, self-centered person inside all of us who wants to be comforted, petted and admired.

Humility is a Godly thing.

For truly authentic servant leaders, everyone has dignity.  Everyone is a child of God.  Everyone is the best in the world at something.  Everyone deserves respect.  Everyone deserves to be elevated and  invested in.  Everyone deserves to be perfected, and servant leaders perfect those around them by nurturing everyone and and setting a benchmark example.  They walk the talk -- and inspire others to raise their game.

But here's the paradox of humility:  If you think you have it, you don't.  Imagine someone bragging about how humble they are.  That's an oxymoron, isn't it?  You can never be too humble.

I'm not talking about the "awe-shucks" false modesty that most of us have.  I'm talking about putting others first always.  That is antithetical to our secular, me first, zero-sum, he who dies with the most toys wins society.  True humility is counter-cultural, which is why it's so rare.  In fact, if you want to be a truly counter-cultural rebel, then rebel against your own vanity.  Master yourself.

Now, I can't tell you how to gain humility.  Usually one has to fail (and fail spectacularly) before one discovers how much one needs others.  But barring that, here are some signs that you lack humility:

• Thinking that what you do or say is better than what others do or say.
• Always wanting to get your own way.
• Arguing when you are not right (or when you are right, insisting stubbornly or with bad manners).
• Giving your opinion without being asked for it (when charity does not demand you to do so).
• Despising the point of view of others.
• Not being aware that all of the gifts that you have are on loan from God.
• Mentioning yourself as an example in conversation.
• Speaking badly about yourself so that others may form a good opinion of you or contradict you.
• Making excuses when rebuked.
• Hiding your faults from others so that they may not lose a good opinion of you.
• Being hurt that others are held in greater esteem than you.
• Refusing to carry out menial tasks.
• Being ashamed of not having certain possessions.

I could go on but I won't.  You get the idea.  Zig Zigler has long said that you can have anything you want in life as long as you make sure that others get what they want first.  That's a hard truth to recognize -- and an even harder truth to live.

Comments

[Ramon Ray]

This is one of the traits in many of the "Good to Great" execs!

Ramon, http://www.smallbiztechnology.com

[Gary Bourgeault (managersrealm)]

It is something that you can't look at yourself and say you have.

It seems to me that continually serving others and truly wanting to solve their problems is what humility is in management.

When you take your eyes off other and put them on yourself, you're stepping away from what works to self-centeredness. Something that doesn't work in life or in business.

[Jackson Wafula]

your materials are interesting and educative

[Ronin Kayne]

What is the source of Humility?

True humility can be seen when observing children at play who are all about the same age. Most young children have an almost innate sense of community. They share readily and take suggestions from one another without prejudice. Give them a bunch of crayons or building toys and they will each contribute to whatever is being done freely. They don't seem to care about the color of their playmates skin, or how much money their parents make or where they live. All that seems to matter is that they are all on the playground or at recess and the object is to have fun. They carry on as if they were one big happy family.

There was a time when we were one of those children. At one time we were all humble. There was a time when we were not proud or haughty , not arrogant or assertive. As children we all show a spirit of deference or submission. However, as we grow and are trained to think and reason and the more we learn to think the less we accept the input of others without prejudice, or feeling threatened. We became territorial about our expertise and opinions and the “When I want your opinion, I'll ask for it!” mentality becomes part of our subconscious.

So, how do we reconnect with that part of ourselves that is accepting of others? We must reach a level of security within ourselves that breaks down barriers and opens the door to unlimited potential as we draw on the knowledge of others to accomplish our goals as leaders.

That level of personal security allows us to communicate with others from a place that accepts them as intelligent, creative and talented contributers to the mutual success of the company. The truest essence of “teamwork” is synergy meaning that the group can come up with a better solution or higher alternative together, than any one individual of the group could on his or her own.

That is what children do. The expression "The child is father to the man or mother to the woman."
The key to discovering the humility in ourselves, if we are willing, involves reconnecting with the child that lives within us. That child is not hard to access. He or she comes out whenever we are most relaxed and let our guard down. Remember being a kid at the playground? I mean, before you learned that “other” kids were different from you? Remember how easy it was to just accept them into the group and play with them? And be open to their influences and ideas?

I believe that the person we are when we are playing is the person most of us wish we could always be; and that society, or our colleagues, or our job, or our family/friends won't let us be because we're “grown ups.”

The foregoing is the reason why multi-million dollar organizations are spending literally millions of dollars every year sending their groups to teamwork camps to go through team building games and play. The thrust behind all team building exercises to create a fun relaxed environment in which individuals who perhaps we're not quite as familiar with one another might get to know things about their teammates that would better help them understand the people they work with.

Once these fun experiences have been shared by the group it is easier to draw on the good feeling created by those experiences to be more tolerant of a co-workers idiosyncrasies even welcome their sometimes "quirky" view of things. Those who possess humility as leaders value the diversity of those around them and regularly draws on that diversity to accomplish the goals of their groups. Diversity connects the team.

High level executives within organizations are beginning to realize that unless they find a way to connect with those in their employ, especially in this age of "knowledge workers" the consequences could be dire. Large paychecks and perks are no longer enough to secure the loyalty of skilled employees. There is an emotional void that must be filled if employees are to "trust" that their company is looking out for their best interests.

What kinds of activities can help create this kind of culture? Well, think of what fun did for you when you were a kid. Activities should be a fun learning experience. Experiencial learning has tremendous value and connects teams together. And you don't have to invest millions of dollars to train your people. Family picnics where you play games that bring people together carry only the cost of the food.

As a trainer I have used many kinds of props and tools to do fun activities that promote teamwork and collaboration. One of the most versatile tools I've used is, oddly enough, a toy called Toobeez. It's a bunch of tubes and spheres that remind me of Tinkertoys only these are life size and can be configured in any way a group can imagine. Visit www.toobeez.com, they offer free sample activities you can consider for this kind of training. They have a number of activities that can be customized to fit the needs of your groups. I've spoken to a number of trainers who swear by them.

Whatever you decide to use make sure its something the entire group can do. I've been to experiencial workshops where those who were not in the best physical condition, or because of body dimensions, weren't able to participate and felt left out. Hey, lets be honest, not all of us are suited to climbing mountains or repelling down cliffs. The kind of activities I'm talking about engage the entire team and foster a more cohesive company culture and i.e. teamwork culture. Think of what brings you closer together to your friends and family; ask your teams what they like to do for fun and then incorporate those things into your activities. I wish you well in your endeavors to build better teams.

All the best.

Ronin